I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's never too late to be topless.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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