i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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