if you like me you must not know who I am
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
