the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
