shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize