i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
