I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
why is half of my head shaved?
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