Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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