I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
