i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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