I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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