Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
