is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
