I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
