I heard we made out
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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