loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
