I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
