im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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