I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
