The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
