Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
