No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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