Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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