he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize