i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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