toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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