There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
