Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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