she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
