the new term for farting is butt boxing.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
