You don't have asthma, your pregnant
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
