Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
