I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
