Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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