Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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