so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
