why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
