Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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