I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
