Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
