you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize