Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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