Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
im holly from the hills drunk
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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