I think my fart just growled at me.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
