I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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