Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
