my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
