just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
