Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
