I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
