She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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