why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
