Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize