someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
