Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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