so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize