Even the bartender felt bad for me
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Dear god my vagina.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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