my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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