I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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