Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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