i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
