Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
how do flat chested girls get laid?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
