How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
