y did u give ur computer a hand job?
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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